Why Troll? No seriously...why?

Published on March 23 2012


Though pleased with the warm reception to my particularly verbose first post, I was a little taken back by an instance of trolldom that accompanied it.


A mate on facebook got the frapes, and his frapist commented on my blog post with the usual 'same bro' rhetoric. I've had this done to me before, yet I always confuse it for genuine interest, as a troll would hope. Notice that it always happens when someone commits honest effort into something creative or sincere, and that's my main problem with trolls.


Just yesterday, when Team Four Star released their long overdue new episode 28, my compy was having trouble playing it, so I looked around YouTube to see if some desperate person had already mirrored it. However the desperation was on another level; all I could find were fake videos, normally with a still image and nonsensical background music.


I remember when people first started making these for Little Kuriboh's videos, but this was the first time I just sat down and watched one. Whilst I can't say real effort goes into them, I'm struck at the sheer wasted amount of time just to grab a few thousand YouTube hits.


Call me mad bro but I for one am sick of the acceptance and toleration we give these people who aren't just incapable of contributing, but contribute negativity.


And rather than write a shitty letter to an even worse news paper, I thought I'd blog it. Bitches.


I'm no stranger to trolls: I lived with one. Last year was a constant onslaught of shit jokes and insults, pre-packaged to avoid actual impact. And it's not just that, as a stand up, I abhor canned humour, and if you're reading this mate I bear no ill will (after all most of the time the joke was on you), but the troll seems to know little else but what he does, and I'm just trying to figure out why.




I'd love a psychologist to examine a troll, to get behind the reliance on outdated references and catchphrases said at such verbatim that you wonder if he has a pull string at the back. Or the front. :)


There's no doubt some serious shit going on in the back-story for some trolls. Take Shock of God, an internet religious nut who posted some logically incoherent question to all non-believers, then, instead of responding rationally, posted their videos context-free so he could claim some shallow victory over them. As he censors comments and produces the same drivel constantly, his YouTube hits hardly ever rise above 10,000...so what was he trying to accomplish? Was he deep down insecure about his faith, and felt drawing miniscule attention and rage helped soothe the wound?


It's likely a de-individuation thing. There's the infamous Penny Arcade cartoon explaining the mathematics of the troll, and I think they're right on the money. You have a total sense of anonymity, coupled with a large community who not only share your facelessness, but who also brand themselves with it, and  you have your website as your dominant authority figure.


Maybe it's a cult thing. Maybe if I went into my old house mate's room and looked at his bare ass (would probably have to explain myself first...) I'd find the troll/cool face tattooed on one cheek. Suddenly I'd find myself surrounded by robed figures, who, for uncovering their thousand year order, would now decide my fate, which could potentially be worse than death.


I hate to pull the classic 'I don't hate you I pity you' card, but I could pull it out of Penn Jilette's ass. When an entire sect defines themselves as copypasta chefs, or keeps a golden folder full of faces to suit the mood, I can only use the word tool. Hell, add and subtract some letters and you're not far off.


I'm gonna play reverse psychologist and bait trolls who read this to respond with 'problem?' or 'you mad bro?'. Do so, and accept your lack of originality as the internet's rent boy. Don't, and prove that you're an actual human being.





Written by The Urban Shepherd

Published on #Sociology

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The Urban Shepherd 03/24/2012 17:06

Thanks for the feedback lads.

@Owen: This was a good point, and something very much omissed from my post; the feeding of trolls. Whilst I don't want to play into their hands, I also don't like ignoring them so they can move on
to someone else. I'd rather humiliate them, and show them off for their real stupidity. Thought this would probably lead me to fall flat on my face. In short I'm just tired of putting up with it,
even if there's nothing to be done about them.

@Billy: I praise the trolls who show originality and great (well, minimal) photoshop skills, I mean troll logic is fucking funny. I almost don't consider them trolls. But in particular with my
former housemate, I dislike it when they fall back on troll language, as it were, rather than any genuine wit. It feels like they're hopping on a bandwagon, and I want to know the reason why.

Billy 03/24/2012 16:11

Whilst I agree that some trolling is pointless and in some cases harmful (E.g. RIP trolling), it's a generalisation to say all trolling is worthless. Some trolls have come up with very clever and
funny trolling methods that, while they may not be to everyone's tastes, still have comedic value.

Owen 03/24/2012 14:02

Thing is Graham, by pondering the reason behind a troll's method you are essentially feeding them. There is no psychology, no reason, even by branding them as their own sect we are falling into
their trap. At the same time that last sentence is entirely false. It's infuriating but that's what there culture is all about. It's a subtly presented form of pure chaos. It wasn't invented, it
isn't organized, it likely came about just because people like to bother other people without any consequence.